Today we had an interesting day. From ryan leaving without me even having to wake him up for work to Kenzie getting on the bus like a big girl. Then Maddie waking up earlier than normal and finally, SCHOOL WAS LET OUT AT 11 AND KENZIE DIDN’T GET HOME TIL 1:09PM! Needless to say, I was a little freaked out when I called and they said she is on the bus and will be there. What do you think the first thing running through my mind when the 2 hour mark passed? The bus had been in an accident, but thank God that wasn’t the case. She made it home and I started the transformation from “Mommy who is out of control and yells at me when I do something wrong” to “Mommy who puts herself first and stays in control and doesn’t yell when I do something wrong but instead talks with me and explains the consequences then lets me choose what I will do” today. I have to say that it is going to be a hard change. I am willing to do it for the better of my dear children. So now to the second part of the book:
I have one question to ask myself before getting into any confrontations with my kids now:
“If I am not under control, how can I expect myself to be in charge of the situation?” I think by asking myself that every time I am in a situation with the girls, I will be able to better handle it. I do have to work on Kenzie though. She knows when to misbehave and really push my buttons is when Ryan is home. She already knows that he will let her do anything she wants to without saying a word to her. He simply cuddled her tonight when she ran up behind me (I was sitting in the recliner) and started pulling my hair and then clawed me in the eye. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I separated myself from the situation thinking that Ryan would correct her behavior because he was home and had grabbed her as she did it, but he simply sat on the couch with her and cuddled. If you ask me that is sending her a message that it is ok for her to behave like that and I don’t agree with it. So, we will be making family rules, mommy and daddy rules, chores and bedtime routines and it will have to be followed from now on. I am tired of fighting all the time and I am tired of being the target of her frustration and being fussed at when I try and correct her. Not that Kenzie is a bad kid because she isn’t. She is just a kid and she is going to push me. I just have to learn to control myself and then set her limits and teach them to her. Then we will get somewhere. Now back to the book.
Tonight I have learned:
* I have a choice of what my emotional response to each and every situation that I encounter throughout my life will be. I just have to choose the one that is correct (and lease reactive).
*After choosing that emotional response, I have to take responsibility for that action whatever it may be.
*Owning up to my mistakes is the first step in knowing that I am grown up. Not blaming others, my past etc!
*”To be in charge as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves” Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT.
Now, my goal tomorrow is to try and keep myself under control more than I did today. I did have a couple of slip ups, but all in all, I did much better today. I am also going to sit with Ryan and discuss the rules/consequences/discipline that we need to be consistent on. And we also need to make sure that it is fair for a 5 year old and a 1 year old. Hmmm that should be interesting. Will keep you posted!
Dawn
I have one question to ask myself before getting into any confrontations with my kids now:
“If I am not under control, how can I expect myself to be in charge of the situation?” I think by asking myself that every time I am in a situation with the girls, I will be able to better handle it. I do have to work on Kenzie though. She knows when to misbehave and really push my buttons is when Ryan is home. She already knows that he will let her do anything she wants to without saying a word to her. He simply cuddled her tonight when she ran up behind me (I was sitting in the recliner) and started pulling my hair and then clawed me in the eye. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I separated myself from the situation thinking that Ryan would correct her behavior because he was home and had grabbed her as she did it, but he simply sat on the couch with her and cuddled. If you ask me that is sending her a message that it is ok for her to behave like that and I don’t agree with it. So, we will be making family rules, mommy and daddy rules, chores and bedtime routines and it will have to be followed from now on. I am tired of fighting all the time and I am tired of being the target of her frustration and being fussed at when I try and correct her. Not that Kenzie is a bad kid because she isn’t. She is just a kid and she is going to push me. I just have to learn to control myself and then set her limits and teach them to her. Then we will get somewhere. Now back to the book.
Tonight I have learned:
* I have a choice of what my emotional response to each and every situation that I encounter throughout my life will be. I just have to choose the one that is correct (and lease reactive).
*After choosing that emotional response, I have to take responsibility for that action whatever it may be.
*Owning up to my mistakes is the first step in knowing that I am grown up. Not blaming others, my past etc!
*”To be in charge as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves” Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT.
Now, my goal tomorrow is to try and keep myself under control more than I did today. I did have a couple of slip ups, but all in all, I did much better today. I am also going to sit with Ryan and discuss the rules/consequences/discipline that we need to be consistent on. And we also need to make sure that it is fair for a 5 year old and a 1 year old. Hmmm that should be interesting. Will keep you posted!
Dawn
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